


You Wanted To Be Good

by KatiePaterow



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex thought he did something, Angst, But Michael makes him feel like crap, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post 2x01, no major spoilers, this fic is a MESS, unbeta’d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23188426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatiePaterow/pseuds/KatiePaterow
Summary: “You said you wanted to be good for someone.”“Did I?”Or where Alex tries to be protective of Maria and helpful to Michael and Michael internally denies that he wants to be with Alex and so he lashes out on him.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Maria DeLuca(mentioned)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	You Wanted To Be Good

“ **You said you wanted to be good for someone.** ”

The loud opening of the door startles Michael. He raised a brow and stood up immediately after Alex barged in uninvited into his airstream. “Did I?”

“Guerin, you need to stop this.” Alex sighed in exasperation. Maria and he just had an awkward yet serious conversation about what the cowboy had been up to lately and hearing how Michael had kissed Maria and broke her heart- well, the former hurt to hear and the latter concerned Alex.

“Stop what?”

“Stop avoiding things!”

“What am I avoiding, Alex? Tell me!” Michael smirked, his hands stretched out as if taunting the other man’s anger.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Alex scoffed at the alien, bobbing his head furiously at the amount of denial the other man can give in the span of less than a minute.

“What?!”

“You said you didn’t want to be with me because we were bad for each other and you wanted to be good for someone and okay, it fucking hurts me but I know I fucking deserve it and you deserve happiness and something good in your life for once, but Guerin- kissing Maria? Making her feel hopeful? And then just ditching her and kissing some other woman in front of her? Is that how you think you’re gonna achieve what you told me you wanted?”

“So is this why you’re screaming at me right now? ‘Cause you’re jealous I was more interested in being with your best friend than I am with you?” Alex, despite his great efforts to let nothing Michael says affect him, flinched slightly at the sting the words had caused him to feel.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Guerin. You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. I know what you’re doing and you’re not distracting me.” Michael laughed sarcastically and started to walk away but Alex grabbed his arm and forced the other man to face him. “I love you, Michael.”

The world stopped for Michael from not only hearing Alex saying those three words but also from hearing him using his name. _Michael._

“Don’t fucking do that, Alex.”

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve never said it before but I do. I **do** love you, Michael. But I love Maria, too. She’s as much a family to me as you are. And I can’t let you do this to her. ” Michael stares at Alex in disbelief, his mouth gaped slightly and his eyes, though staring right at the man right in front of him, appeared to be distant. He begins to laugh loudly, casting the same look of incredulity at the airman.

”You know what, Alex? Have you ever considered how fucking insane you are?” Alex looked at him, confused and worried. ”What?” Alex whispered.

”You really think you can lecture me about my life choices and about my love life when you spent ten years screwing me around just because you're too scared to do what you want? What you're saying I'm ”doing” to Maria, isn't this how you treated me for ten long years? You're a fucking hypocrite.” As soon as the words came out of Michael’s mouth, regret filled his heart but still, he stood his ground, never allowing himself to feel too much for the guy who he loved the most in the world yet was the cause or a part of so much of the pain he felt in his whole life. 

”I know I hurt you. I know I'm the last person who should be chastising you about anything but all my faults, that's on me. And you hurting me, yes, I know I deserve that. But anything- there's no justification for lashing out all your repressed, pent up emotions on other people.” Alex squeezed his eyes tightly, hoping that no tears ever escape. ”And Maria? She's a good person. She would never hurt you the way I hurt you, Michael.”

Alex was about to say more when Michael decided to cut him off. ”So Maria trying to be with me isn't hurting you at all?”

That quickly shut Alex up. He was not able to say anything for a while, just standing there trying to come up with the right thing to say. ”I-”

He shakes his head angrily. ”No.”

The cowboy glares at the airman, trying to understand what the other was saying. ”No?”

”Fuck off, Guerin. This is not what we're discussing right now and you know it. Get your shit together. If you want to actually be good for someone like you said you did, then actually do something about it. I’m fully aware that the shit you’ve been through, they’ve been too much, but if you say something and want something, then go for it. Stop blaming everyone and everything else why you never get anywhere with what you want.” Then Alex sprinted away fast.

He fought a battle he thought he could win and yet he felt empty. He didn’t lose nor did he win because there’s wasn’t a game played or a war being fought and yet he felt like he lost. And he lost a lot. He knew he was a hypocrite from the very beginning but being actually called out for how flawed his logic was, it awakened him to the reality that maybe even after all that he’s tried to do, maybe he still really hadn’t fix anything about himself nor his life.

Michael stared at Alex’s retreating figure, replaying everything that had been said. He knew that probably wasn’t the worst yet. He could have said much worse. He could have really hurt the other man and yet he didn’t. But he knew he hurt him enough and it still pained him to realize that he was capable of causing him that. Michael lashed out as a defense mechanism, he understood that, but at the same time, arguing with Alex about not treating Maria right, it felt like the end of them and it did not sit right with him. It was like Alex was deliberately pushing him towards Maria and it didn’t sit right with him. Knowing that he made the choice to end it didn’t sit right with him. And so his anger rose because he’s never been so lost his whole life. Because the letting go of the Alex was an idea he could imagine, but after that conversation, it was like the idea shifted to letting go of his person and suddenly it didn’t feel possible anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I don’t really write much fanfics so that might explain why it’s not super good and it’s a mess but I just had this idea after watching 2x01 and it stuck in my head so I just really had to! Hope y’all still enjoy it!


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